Michael & Lindsay’s Adoption Story
miscarriage | Ectopic Pregnancies | IVF
Aug. 2022 : adoption journey started
Started working with adoption agency, then an adoption attorney, in the hopes to ‘match’ with an expectant mother.
may 2023: ‘Matched’ but ended in a failed adoption
funds lost: $8,000
Grant funds would be used to get us to finalization on an adoption. They would be used to help with agency fees and/or attorney fees. Agency fees are estimated to be a minimum of $46,000 including financial support for the expectant mother. In addition to that, we will need travel expenses for us to meet our baby, an attorney to finalize in our home state and possible medical bills for birth mom and baby.
expanding options with adding a new adoption agency
starting Cost, at minimum: $46,000
The ‘B’ Family’s Story:
Since we can remember, the desire to build a family has burned within us. Little did we know the challenging journey that awaited us, a path that seemed to unfold effortlessly for some. Our story began when Lindsay, freshly graduated with a master's degree, and Michael, concluding his eight-year service in the United States Army, crossed paths. Lindsay was eager to embark on a career, while Michael looked forward to completing his college degree.
Three years later, we exchanged vows and purchased a home, excited to build a life we hoped to share with our future children. Early into our marriage, we began dreaming of expanding our family. However, as time passed—1 year, then 2, and eventually 3—without a pregnancy, our resolve to become parents only grew stronger. Witnessing the arrival of nieces and nephews reinforced our determination.
In 2018, our prayers were answered when a positive pregnancy test brought us immeasurable excitement. We joyously started planning for the future, but at seven weeks, Lindsay began experiencing worrisome signs, leading to the heartbreaking loss of the pregnancy.
Devastated, we took time to grieve and heal. Though we resumed our efforts to conceive, another positive test did not come easily. During this trying period, we explored alternative paths, consulting fertility clinics, discussing adoption, and considering foster parenthood. Everything was on the table.
However, the prospect of foster care, with the goal of reunification, proved emotionally challenging as our hearts yearned for a family of our own. We made the decision to pursue adoption, even if a natural pregnancy became a reality.
Then, in March 2020, cautious optimism accompanied our second positive test. Recognizing the potential for another miscarriage, Lindsay sought medical attention promptly, only to discover an ectopic pregnancy. Once again, we faced the painful task of regrouping and healing.
It was during this time that we seriously contemplated our alternative options. After a failed attempt at IVF, we knew in our hearts that adoption was the path we needed to follow. Both of us wholeheartedly embraced the idea of adoption, initiating our journey by learning as much about the process.
We worked diligently to obtain home study approval and began saving money. Thanks to the support of our parents and a home equity loan, we felt ready to explore potential matches with expectant mothers, inching closer to our dream. Then, in May 2022, we received an unexpected surprise—a third positive test. This time we felt like we couldn’t let ourselves get excited at all. Like the two times before, we sought immediate medical attention. Unfortunately, this pregnancy was also ectopic, requiring surgical intervention to remove the blocked fallopian tube.
Although we knew there was a possibility of losing both tubes, we took comfort in the fact that adoption had become our unwavering plan.
By August 2022, our home study was finally complete, and we eagerly reviewed potential matches. We started reviewing a few adoption situations from the agency that did our home study but nothing really called to us that met our criteria so we decided to branch out. At that time, Michael contacted a local adoption attorney.
To compound our grief, the disruption of our adoption also resulted in the loss of several thousand dollars in attorney fees. It became apparent that, in all likelihood, we would have to re-engage with an adoption agency, further hampering our financial progress. Despite these setbacks, we remain resolute in our pursuit of building a family through adoption. We have initiated fundraising efforts: selling T-shirts, engaging with our communities, and establishing an adoption website.
While these endeavors offer some assistance, we still face a significant gap in the funds required to work with a new adoption agency—a daunting $46,000 at minimum.
We have carefully chosen this agency due to their genuine care for expectant mothers and prospective adoptive families. Our desire is to collaborate with responsible, ethical organizations that prioritize the well-being of both birth mothers and adoptive parents. We want them to comprehend the profound difficulties we face throughout this process while also ensuring the expectant mother has the support she needs to make a sound decision. While we are committed to adopting, whether we receive financial assistance or not, every contribution we secure through grants and fundraising provides substantial relief.
Unfortunately, our income disqualifies us from many grant opportunities. However, we stand firm in our conviction to provide our adopted child with the best life possible. We refuse to abandon our dream but amassing the initial $40-50,000 necessary for adoption feels insurmountable. We are immensely grateful for the support of our loving community, who will undoubtedly serve as an invaluable source of encouragement for our future children. Nevertheless, we are compelled to widen our search and humbly request your consideration of our family for the award of one of your grants.
Your support could help us realize the dream we have relentlessly pursued for over a decade—a dream of creating a loving family.
For one week, we showered him with love and care, daring to imagine that our dream had finally materialized. It felt like winning the lottery—our family, complete with a healthy baby boy, and a birthmother that we felt comfortable having in his life, was finally a reality.
But just two days into the birth mother's revocation window, everything changed. She expressed her desire to parent, forcing us to relinquish the dream of raising this child as our son. Tearfully, we bid farewell to the child we had come to love, clinging to those final precious moments during Mother's Day weekend.
Then, in May 2023, a call came—one that caught us off guard. A mother in crisis, due to give birth imminently, wanted to make an adoption plan. We presented for the opportunity, and to our astonishment, we were chosen!
The whirlwind of emotions engulfed us—shock, excitement, and sheer bewilderment. After two brief conversations with the expectant mother, we embarked on a three-hour journey to meet her. Two days later, she gave birth, and within 30 minutes, we held our precious baby boy. Once we realized she entrusted us with the task of naming him the whole situation seemed real.